as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
