If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
