im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
