i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
