i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
