Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
