We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
