**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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