shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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