$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
