There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
