Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Operation Purity has been aborted
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
