I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
