Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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