I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
