woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
