Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
