she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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