Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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