She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
