apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize