So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
