shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
