He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
