So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
