I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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