you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
