currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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