told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
