Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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