i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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