dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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