Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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