Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
