I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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