My brain says no but my pants say off.
I could make wine with my vomit
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
