I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
