I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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