The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
