ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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