I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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