forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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