I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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