whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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