lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
