The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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