They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
