Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
