I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
