I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
