I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Terrible idea I love it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
