I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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