i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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