Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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