if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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