Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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