I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
