I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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