in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize