we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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