just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
