so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize