Define "chronic" masturbator.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
