I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
