i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize