He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
