I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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