I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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