I love black thongs
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just blew my weed a kiss
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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