do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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