Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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